Saving Ghandiah

Who Succumbs to Addiction?

terijshapiro — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 19:31:38 +0000

Well, it feels like fall, so I thought I could start to tackle all of Sam’s belongings – what to throw away, what to keep, what to donate, what to sell. I managed to get through one bag of throw-outs, and one box of donates, and then I lost it. After 2 years, the grief is like a knife, and touching what Sam touched, and reading what Sam read, and seeing what Sam wore was too much. Another day I’ll try again.

I read an article in the NYTimes by Dr. Richard Friedman about who falls to addiction, and who doesn’t. He refers to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health that finds that patients with mental health problems are nearly 3 times as likely to have an addictive disorder as those without. And 60% of those with substance abuse issues also suffer from another form of mental illness. It is unknown whether addiction predisposes someone to mental illness, or vice versa.
He goes on to write that the depressed and anxious patients in particular turn to alcohol and other sedatives. Sam turned to alcohol and opiates, which are terrible antidepressants with only worsened the problems he had. That led to more depression and addiction.
Dr. Freidman further goes on, “Drug use changes the brain. Primates that aren’t predisposed to addiction will become compulsive users of cocaine as the number of D2 receptors declines in their brains, Dr. Volkow noted. And one way to produce such a decline, she has found, is to place the animals in stressful social situations.
A stressful environment in which there is ready access to drugs can trump a low genetic risk of addiction in these animals. The same may be true for humans, too. And that’s a notion many find hard to believe: Just about anyone, regardless of baseline genetic risk, can become an addict under the right circumstances.”

“Who can experiment uneventfully with drugs and who will be undone by them results from a complex interplay of genes, environment and psychology. And, unfortunately, just plain chance.”

Then I think of Sam, who had the genetic risk, who was put into stressful social situations of divorce, new family, new houses, new school, new everything, and it was a disaster waiting to happen.
And how I miss him.

Amy Winehouse

terijshapiro — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 15:15:44 +0000

Another very talented person who has died all too young. The vitriole comes out again, with statements that she deserved it, or she choose her addictions, etc. The worst is “what a waste”. Her life was not a waste, nor was Sam’s. They both accomplished a lot, and both were tormented in life. No one should judge unless they have been in the shoes of the one they judge.

Fears and Dreams

terijshapiro — Sun, 24 Jul 2011 16:16:06 +0000

Check out the new Fears Vs. Dreams Road Trip portraits by Jeremy Cowart at http://fearsvsdreams.com/

Niece and Nephew

terijshapiro — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 01:09:15 +0000

Had a talk with my sisters children today, who are 13 and 15. They have alcoholism on both sides of their family, and addictive behavior. I told them about Sam and his genetic make-up, and talked to them about his depression, and how he self-medicated with drugs and alcohol. Not knowing how easy it is for the addictions to begin, Sam took his chances. I warned my niece and nephew to not even try these dangerous behaviors- they may find that it feels too good to give it up, and then it’s too late. I wish someone had talked to Sam about the chances of addictions when it is in the family genes. My niece and nephew are really good kids who have big challenges in their lives, and I will try to be there for them. It will be an uphill battle.

The Gene Pool

terijshapiro — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 19:20:31 +0000

My sister got married this weekend, and it was so good to see all of my cousins, my brother and sister-in-law. It was a good time. I was talking to another family member, and it turns out we had some addicts in the family that I did not know about. It definitely is a genetic problem. I think that in health class, your past history should be discussed along with a family tree project. The whole thing is so interesting to me – the marriages and divorces are all related to the effects that the addictions and abuses had on the families involved.

If the family histories of addiction were discussed in schools, maybe it would lead to a more tolerant attitude towards those with the problems. Maybe we can prevent the addictions by knowing about the vulnerabilies we have from genetics that we can not control, and redirecting risky behaviors that we can control.
In any case, there is such a secrecy involved because of the stigma of mental health issues, alcoholism and addiction. We have to stop condemning and start viewing people as more than their addictions.

Who died on June 22?

terijshapiro — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 01:12:55 +0000

I had totally forgotten that Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett had died shortly after Sam. Michael’s death overshadowed Farrah’s, and it seemed like their deaths were circus-like compared to the surreal death of a child.
So, this is probably in very bad taste, but I wanted to know who else had died the week that Sam did. And I found out the John Lee Hooker, Fred Astaire, Judy Garland, and George Carlin all passed during this day or week. Now, I feel he is in much better company.

Obelisk

terijshapiro — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 16:47:27 +0000

Found another sketch.

Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood

terijshapiro — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 16:09:08 +0000

It’s a glorious day today – reminds me of the days after Sam’s death. It was beautiful then, too. The day of his funeral was sunny and warm, like the overwhelming heaviness was lifted. On the 2 year anniversary, the day was dismal, which was so fitting. Becca wrote that she was missing on Wednesday – know how she feels.
But, it’s time to get outside, to experience the sun, get some exercise, take the dogs for a walk, and get on with life, however difficult this is, however changed I feel, however large the hole is where my missing parts go. Love you, Sam.

terijshapiro — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 02:06:14 +0000

2 Year Anniversary

terijshapiro — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 01:37:44 +0000

I hate June. I hate June 22. I hate June 20, 21, and 22. The days that Sam’s body was waiting to be found and his soul was waiting to be released. It brings back such vivid memories of that horrible, horrible day. I was told to do something to commemorate his life and talents today to take the pain out of the day. It seems inappropriate. Seems more appropriate to do that on his birthday. Today is for the sadness, the emptiness, and the grief.

I yelled at him today – basically told him that I told him so. I told him that this would happen. It felt good for a little while to yell and cry and get it out of my system. In the meantime, I look around me and see his presence – his art and the remnants of his life, and it gives me comfort.

My heart goes out to Sam’s father, brother, grandmothers and grandfather, his cousins, and all who loved and cared for him, especially Becca. And I have something that I wrote to Sam that I want to share with all of those struggling to fight their depression and addictions, especially those at Sam’s rehab,Nova Counseling.

1. You are loved
2. You are a grown up.
3. Only you can control your actions.
4. Live your life mindfully – day by day.
5. Call when you need help.
6. Attend your meetings – surround yourself with those who share the same goals.
7. Exercise and meditate – better than any medication you can take. BUT -
8. Take your meds.
9. Talk it over
10. Try to keep to a schedule.
11. Your girlfriend is a gift – cherish her.

Addictions can kill. Those that love you will hurt forever. I would much rather live with you, than a memory of you.

So, the day is almost over. I went for a very peaceful walk with the dog, and then ate chocolate. Always helps.